How-to Have Lesbian Intercourse The Very First Time | Autostraddle

How will you have lesbian intercourse? We have asked this question all the time from lesbians of various age groups withn’t had lesbian intercourse and tend to be stressed they don’t know “how.” Well, pay attention: appreciating gender actually about memorizing 16 roles or understanding the most readily useful angle to fuck from, enjoying lesbian intercourse is half-animal half-heart and only rarely has it had gotten anything to carry out together with your logical mind, or intellectual reasoning, or everything someone could reveal or anything you could keep reading online.

And even though it really is true that eventually you’ll be more confident and knowledgeable than you’re now, additionally, it is true that your system was given birth to knowing how to have intercourse want it was created understanding how to consume. Very first time does not have to be a big deal, some of us do not even bear in mind our basic occasions. Alternatively, if you’d like that it is a big deal, it may be. But in the long run every spouse is significantly diffent — totally, completely, totally various — from subsequent.
Just what exactly could we show, really

Nevertheless — at the same time, many remember a period of time whenever lesbian intercourse decided fumbling, or improv, trying to play a hobby we failed to comprehend, like badminton. Or a sport everybody thought we should be proficient at but we had beenn’t. At the same time, other individuals remember hopping into sleep and instinctually knowing what to-do from the moment of entry. Many of us had sex with young men within adolescents and failed to bang a lady ’til our very own mid-to-late-twenties, and felt like rookies all over again. So we can know how you might feel slightly better knowing a little before you take the leap.

Women’s sexuality, let alone queer sexuality, is normally dismissed by gender ed programs. Even though many heteros learn about sex together in their early teens, many lesbians do not begin that early and/or are not fellow socialized to the sexual world like straights tend to be, and our entire media culture is actually organized about and enthusiastic about heterosexual intercourse.

Therefore we’re gonna return to fundamentals. But while we write this post, we’re somewhat worried we have no drilling idea what we’re dealing with. Develop to open a dialogue for

commenters to share their stories and experiences and for everybody else to inquire of questions!


This blog post (originally written in 2010 and mainly unaltered from that period) is targeted on lesbian gender between cisgender females, although can be mainly applicable to intercourse between any a couple with vulvas, and packed with fantastic advice for anybody having sex with someone who has a vulva. The language on this page, unlike nearly all our very own gender content material, reflects that mostly for Search Engine Optimization functions. But trans women are women and most truly have lesbian sex, and you can review the the lots of recommendations on that throughout these posts:
Just How To Have Lesbian Sex With A Trans Girl
F*cking Trans Women
Harnesses for Trans Women

Pre-Game Your Lesbian Intercourse


When you yourself have a vulva therefore want to know how to make you with a vulva feel good, you’ve got the advantage of utilizing your self for a test subject matter — not too exactly what pleases you will definitely kindly your lover, but it’s a-start. Probably you and your showerhead have already been conscious of this since childhood, in case you are fresh to masturbation or not used to orgasming, discover
tips masturbate like a champ.
As long as you’re at it,
here’s how to purchase a vibrator

Becoming a seasoned masturbator can help you be a successful enthusiast more than anything else you can ever before carry out, previously. Not only will you know how your lover can kindly you, however you will have some notion of ideas on how to please all of them.


Touching yourself with your trousers and lingerie on (you can unzip the trousers, but try not to pull all of them down) might be good training to suit your day to

Twilight Complete Eclipse From The Sunlight



When you’re turned on, you might feel warm or flushed. Your hard nipples gets erect, your own clitoris and vulva will enlarge because enhanced circulation. Within your human anatomy, the top of the pussy will increase.


Consider your insides. The exterior of everybody’s vulva is a brand new continent, although insides tend to be fairly much like one another, therefore it is a good sneak peek if you have one.


If you have one, take a look at your own vadge inside mirror. I’m sure you are going to check this out and think “OH the GOD I MIGHT NEVER” rather than exercise. Overcome yourself. Stick
a fucking mirror
between feet to see the shit!

Understand Your Vaginal Circumstances, For Those Who Have One

First situations very first: folks frequently utilize the term “vagina” whenever talking about the female vaginal region, that actually isn’t really correct. Just the right phrase for the additional vaginal region is actually “vulva.” The pussy is actually inside of you, linking the vulva toward cervix. Here’s
a fantastic article from teenage Vogue that enters everything about anatomy

Now you’re seated here together with your mirror, let us go over the physiology of a cisgender female’s vulva.


Your own clit comprises of the glans/head (the quintessential sensitive and painful spend the 6,000-8,000 neurological endings), the bonnet (which drapes over the glans) as well as the shaft (which can be on average 1.9 cm long). Some clits are larger than other people, and all females can orgasm from clitoral arousal.

Labia Majora:

All of them end up being your “pussy lips.” After That,
the labia minora
will be the asymmetrical delicate retracts of softy spongy erecticle muscle inside the labia majora. Some labia minoras stretch through the majoras many tend to be saved in. The length/shape of labia minora/majoras may be the beginning where you’ll realize that
every woman’s vagina appears diverse from another’s


: Your vaginal entrance is actually below the clit and urethral orifice (aka where in actuality the urine is released). Genital muscle is actually elastic, you may possibly have heard that babies emerge from it and fists can go engrossed. The vast majority of nerve endings are in the outer third with the snatch (to phrase it differently: don’t be concerned about having tiny fingers, it really is nbd).

so many different vulvas highlighted in this snatch artwork by jamie mccatney


Place a digit in your pussy. Today create a “come-hither” motion towards front wall structure of the vagina. Can you believe area with a texture unlike all the rest of it’s structure? It is a sponge towards size of a bean that fills with bloodstream during arousal, directly in front of your own womb. Some females come across g-spot pleasure too intense, some hate it, some adore it, some can orgasm as a result, and some can female ejaculate from it.



The level place within pudendal cleft while the anus. Some females find this place sexually painful and sensitive. Slangily also known as “the taint” ’cause it isn’t the genitals and it ain’t the asshole.

Grooming for Lesbian Intercourse


You can do virtually whatever you wish together with your locks, although eliminating it completely
makes you susceptible to attacks
also it can be really itchy! Discover
some research on your own hair removal routines

Tips if you’re gonna remove some tresses:

  • If you possess the cash while the time, hair laser removal is best way of getting eliminate the hair on your head where area your lasting. Its usually said that hair laser removal works better on much lighter epidermis hues, but
    thankfully that is switching
  • For most people, waxing is the best/cheapest option to “clean up” without ingrowns. Based on the skin tone and susceptibility, waxing may turn your own skin a lovely tone of crimson for every day, very itinerary properly. We suggest setting it up done by an expert, in case you want to Do-it-yourself, Sally Hansen’s are
    cheap and easy for beginners
    and therefore is it kit from
  • If you should be shaving, you might get mad major shaver burn which often looks like countless red bumps all over your area.
    Bikini Zone will help you to with this particular
  • If you shave a day or two before setting up, anyone who goes down you will feel like they truly are staying their particular face into a sheet of sandpaper.


Make fully sure your fingernails tend to be as quick as you are able to and efficiently registered. If you have very long nails or acrylics,
here is how to have intercourse properly without having to sacrifice them
. Keepin constantly your fingers mega-extra-super-duper-clean is vital. Get involved in it extra-safe by utilizing some helpful
latex or nitrile gloves


You guys, the snatch smells great exactly the means it really is! Never douche or else try to infuse your vagina with fields of marigolds. It’ll have a stronger odor if you haven’t showered or have actually obtained truly wet, that is certainly okay. (Sidenote: the lingering scent of her on your disposal = miracle). However, whether your vagina smells very pungently fishy that the lover can smell it within pants from throughout the area,
you may have BV
and ought to
go see a gynecologist

Performing The Lesbian Intercourse

In all honesty, we kinda do not want one look at this. We would like one to need certainly to find it on your own, like we did! You guys, its very fun therefore will be naked or half-naked with another girl! Appropriate?! Sex will be the best whenever you quit considering and let your system imagine obtainable!

Additionally no less than 1,000 intercourse recommendations we could offer you for the remainder of your sex life, but now we’re gonna remain very






Simply ’cause you are both women does not mean just what feels good for your requirements will feel great to her. Both of you can indicate what exactly is operating and what isn’t through terms, noises, or real response. Don’t be ashamed to ask questions or volunteer that which you like. Its such as the Hot/Cold online game, but nude and much more slippery! Claiming “what would you like” is totally anything we perform. So is actually chuckling.
I encourage a lot of chuckling

Lesbian Sex Foreplay

There are a lot of circumstances taking place in the body region both for people to understand more about, like TITS and ears, and playing with those body parts is actually enjoyable AND the best way to get lubed up before every type direct vaginal contact happens (if that’s what you would like). Some people can orgasm from pleasure of other body parts aside from the vadge, as well. (whether it’s the or your spouse’s first time becoming penetrated, you should not choose the
jackhammer bang within five full minutes of the very first tongue hug, convenience into that crap!)

Handbook Clitoral Stimulation

This is an excellent place to start. Fairly self-explanatory. Again, many people will require your hand being a dildo and some will wish to be handled with extreme delicacy. Figure out by inquiring!

Oral intercourse is really awesome
which almost is like cheating. Like had been lips enabled to go indeed there, or perhaps is that some thing humankind identified naturally? Per always, err on the side of sensitive. This can be either “teasing” or “how she likes it,” according to the girl. This can be paired with fucking/g-spot arousal, but we are starting quick now, therefore, again, enjoy it. Sometimes if you have human body picture issues, becoming eaten will make you feel really uncovered. Very close your own eyes, things are ok. Also remember to
training better sex with dental dams


When in question, begin slow/soft/delicate and build as much as as fast/hard as she wishes it. Be Certain That she actually is wet before attempting entrance —
lube is an excellent method to do this
. After That:

+ focus on the list finger within just somewhat, right after which the whole way in after which pull in an additional fist if she wishes. (Then a third if she wishes, etc etc) cannot get too quickly, provide the woman time and energy to answer.

+ Pay attention to where your different hands tend to be! If you have your own index/middle fingers inside her, can be your thumbnail digging into the woman internal thigh? Look at the shit.

+ Some women should not be penetrated many different explanations, such as pain, sex identification or sex appearance,
and/or a preference for a certain sexual role
(as with “I fuck you, you do not shag me personally.”) In the event that’s you and your spouse becomes because region, politely move her hand and inform her the place you carry out want to be moved (or that you’d quite touch her).


Now, inserting the hand down her trousers or more her canal might be your first impulse, or perhaps it really is everything’ve viewed on

The L Word

, but that is only 1 of many magical steps girls shag different women. You will discover 365 tactics to generally dry hump (you


keep undies on because of this, it can be simpler, but please do take-off the shirt, for the reason that it’s more enjoyable). You’ll basically rub upon any element of the woman human body or wipe vadge-to-vadge nearly throughout your lifetime.

More Sources For Great Lesbian Gender:

The Greater Amount Of You Are Aware

  • DON’T CANNOT compare parts of the body

    . Compliments are great! But resist the desire to provide an assessment of your own parts on your go with relating to the woman components. ‘Your [part] is so even more [way to be] than mine! Waaah.’ = NO.
  • If you should be coping with non-gender-conforming people this may be’s best to ask before connecting what exactly is fine and understandingn’t. Same for coping with sex complying individuals!
  • You have the right feeling as well as comfortable, therefore
    is vital and therefore is
    better sex
    — please get a check-up and talk to your lover about any STIs you or she might have before jumping into sleep.
  • Whether you are 16 or 36, you’re NOT “BEHIND.” Due to the patriarchy, it will elevates about 15 mere seconds to get information about the common get older at which heterosexual men and women drop their particular V-Cards (16-17), but no this type of analysis is present for lesbians so far as we can inform. Therefore we’ve accomplished an informal survey of group Autostraddle, which will be a poor sample populace because all of us are under 35 and certainly “out” adequate to end up being


    Group Autostraddle so, we imagine, probably much more intimately knowledgeable as compared to average lesbian bear. Despite, by get older and year of “virginity reduction”:

Among the totally non-representative sample measurements of queer females, the typical get older for “our very first time” is 19.4.

Relevant Listings

Body Parts that would be erogenous OR no-fly areas:

+ ears

+ throat

+ erect nipples

+ interior upper thighs

+ feet

+ fingers

+ ass

+ tiny of this back

Some individuals Perform and Some Men And Women Do Not:

+ desire to be penetrated

+ climax from entrance

+ ejaculate

+ include sex toys into gender

+ enjoy g-spot stimulation

+ need handbook clitorial pleasure to climax

+ like clitorial arousal AND genital penetration to climax

+ appreciate anal penetration or
butt plugs
eating ass

+ utilize

+ climax whatsoever

+ determine as

+ fantasize during intercourse

+ determine as either a ”
” or a ”

+ identify as either “butch” or “femme”

+ wish to be naked while having sex

+ want the lights on during intercourse

+ adore it rough

have an STI

+ want to

Issues That Can Happen Very First Some Time Become Completely Fine:

and virtually sopping your complete sleep (it’s not urine, we vow) (in addition, it really is amazing)

+ Farting or queefing

+ Accidentally cutting/lacerating the pussy (
this occurs to old pros, also
) (

+ Not orgasming

+ Not being

Getting injured

+ Tensing upwards while pentrated

+ Bleeding

+ Bleeding from hymen-breakage

+ Post-sex UTIs or yeast infections

+ Having 30+ moments to orgasm

+ the arm acquiring worn out

+ Whining

+ Laughing

+ Thoughts

+ No feelings

+ Not experiencing just like the entire world changed

+ Feeling such as the whole world changed

+ experiencing like you’re on a new level of closeness with your partner

+ perhaps not appreciating it

Try not to end up being also goal-oriented. Many people do not appear the very first time — many individuals never arrive regularly during intercourse after all! If neither of you do, absolutely gonna be a moment when you feel just like you are done anyway, like encounter is over, and therefore might feel weird, but it’s maybe not odd, it happens. End once you’d end any actually exhausting task — when you cannot feel like it anymore. Only make fun of and maybe stay nude and kiss and talk. Cuddle! Lesbians love to cuddle. Or ask her to demonstrate you how she will get herself off and the other way around — shared masturbation is an excellent back-up arrange for as soon as you both want to come but can’t apparently have it this time around. And it also’s hot to look at and watch exactly what she does to herself!

the afterglow




The Lesbian Sex Bible

A lot more techniques and advice about lesbian, bisexual and queer ladies that gets near the subject with laughter and irreverence.

Susie Sexpert’s Lesbian Sex World

: The cover within this guide is so unusual and 90s, but you can install it for $2.99 from Amazon and it’s — it’s simply FUN. Its awesome sex-positive and is deserving of to be a cult regular regarding the lesbian guide globe beginning now.


Your whole Lesbian Gender Book: A Separate Guide for All of Us

, by Felice Newman: The regular. Buy it, learn it, stay it, love it.


Lesbian Gender: 101 Lovemaking Positions

: we gamble that you do not know any thing concerning Joyride, Tongue and Groove, Toast Her, Gilding the Lily, Peach Gobbler, Hanky Spanky, Girl Wrap or Velvet Rope, do ya? Well you could change that.


Getting Off: A Lady’s Help Guide To Masturbation

: From sex writer and genital stimulation specialist Jayme Waxman.


The body, Ourselves: An Innovative New Edition for a unique Era

: speak to your womynhood.


The latest Lesbian Gender Book, 3rd Edition

: Interviews with GENUINE LIVE LESBIANS regarding their gender physical lives, contains the impact of reminding you that there’s countless lesbians on the market having sex and it is not only both you and your partner(s) in your teeny little town of the ocean.


Treatment Gender: A Mind-Body Method To Healing Sexual Shock

: “initial encouraging, sex-positive tips guide for all women survivors of sexual attack — heterosexual, bisexual, lesbian, combined, and solitary — who wish to reclaim their unique sex physical lives.”

Internet Sites:


Betty Dodson with Carlin Ross

“Betty Dodson and Carlin Ross are two intergenerational sex positive feminists whoever dialogue on sexuality and feminism entertains and educates while delving into the Politics of Women’s sex.” Includes
a library of “how-to” films
for many different sexual acts, such as “first-time lesbian intercourse.”


The-Clitoris Dot Com

“whatever you actually planned to {know about|learn about|find out about|un

Dana DiRenzo, MD